Some thoughts on tolerance and acceptance.

The Afghan crisis goes on. We’re preparing to accept into the UK refugees from Afghanistan, even though Priti Patel is reported to have said that if they arrive by boat across the Channel they will be turned back just like all the rest of the boat people. Tolerance and acceptance still form a big part of her thinking (or should that be “thinkin’”?) then. 

A cousin of mine, a bit older than I am, posted on Facebook to the effect that she supposes all these refugees will be given houses while our young people can’t find anywhere affordable to live. Mostly she just posts family pictures, and responds to every single one of those silly questions that come up: “What was your first car?” “When you think of your mother, what is the first thing that comes to mind?” “Who grew up in a house heated by coal?” “Who knows what one of these is - picture of random object from decades ago?” But every so often she responds in a tabloid newspaper way to current events and I have to stop myself giving her a blistering, withering answer, or unfriending her altogether. For the sake of family peace and quiet it’s best if I just ignore her!

Preconceptions about refugees are difficult to deal with. Most of the next bit of blogging has been borrowed from a Scandinavian journalist, Anna Strindberg, responding to the idea that refugees are largely men thoughtlessly and selfishly leaving their women and children to fend for themselves. She was writing in 2015 but it’s still relevant today.

1.       According to the UNCHR, women and girls make up about half of any refugee, internally displaced or stateless population. Just as you might expect. However, the majority of refugees reaching Europe is mostly men for a variety of reasons. 

2.       Young men can handle a dangerous and risky trip like the one refugees are taking better than women and children.  And so very often the men take the difficult decision to leave their women and children in the camps until such time as they can organise for their family to join them in a safer way in whichever country they manage to gain asylum in.

3.       Another reason is that a lot of women and children die on their way to Europe. No matter what we say in the fight for equality, it is a fact that men are usually physically stronger and will live longer in the water than women and children. Statistics from shipwrecks over hundreds of years bear this out.

4.       Families that travel together in a big group have a harder time with the logistics, simply because it’s hard to look after multiple people. Often the groups get stuck in countries on the way, don’t have enough energy for everyone to continue or decide to stay in the first place where they feel safe. It’s also easier for men travelling by themselves to get past border patrol or military than it would be if a whole family was travelling along.

5.       Last but not least: No one would send their daughter to do this trip by herself. No one. It is sad but true that girls and women are often subject to abuse, often from those who are meant to be helping them. And this applies to young boys as well. 

So it’s not a case of men looking out for themselves at the expense of their women and children. It’s just a fact of refugee life. And those men who leave their families behind suffer the loss. 

Life goes on. Stay safe and well, everyone!