On giving and receiving.

When I was in junior school, in what we called Junior Four, or even simply the fourth year, but what they now refer to as Year 6, as Christmas drew near I received a card from a certain Barry Samuels, one of my classmates. I was not one of his particular friends. In fact, I was fairly indifferent, in that take-it-or-leave-it way that eleven-year-olds have. At that age boys and girls can still be friends but they are on the cusp and there is always the potentially embarrassing danger of being taken for boyfriend and girlfriend, a totally different kind of relationship. 

Anyway, I was in no hurry to send a card back. This was perhaps a little mean. The school ran a Christmas Post. You posted cards into a letter box in the entrance, paying a nominal fee that went to charity, and at some point in the day cards were delivered to classrooms, providing a little bit of distraction from the hard work of learning. After all, we were the top class and were expected to behave. Not a word out of turn. In fact, mostly not a word unless the teacher asked you to respond to a question. The only exceptions were Art lessons, where a certain amount of whispering was tolerated and Needlework, where you had to ask people to pass you things and, besides, it was a whole lot more informal, rather like being in a large community sewing session - all girls together, as the boys had been sent off to do manly stuff like woodwork! 

So, for one reason or another, I was slow in sending Barry Samuels a Christmas card. There was an element of competition in the card sending ritual. Everyone was on the lookout for who was the most popular and received the most cards through the Christmas Post system. And then, as the end of term grew closer and closer, he marched up to me one day and declared, "If you don't send me a card, Anthea Pye, I want mine back!" Just like that! 

I think I did eventually send him a rather grudging card! 

One of our grandchildren had a similar experience last Christmas. Well, not really similar but related. She sent a card, writing nicely inside it, "To Thomas from Sophie, Merry Christmas". The next day she received a card from Thomas. Except that it was the card she had sent him. He had simply crossed out "Thomas" and overwritten "Sophie" and vice versa so that the card now read, "To Sophie from Thomas, Merry Christmas". Perhaps he was not a cheapskate but an ecologically aware twelve-year-old! 

I was reminded of these things when I read yesterday morning about a couple who sent an email to one of their wedding guests, a former work colleague of the bride, saying that the cheque for £100 sent as a wedding gift did not seem to reflect the wishes for happiness that she had expressed to the couple on the happy day. It seemed ungenerous. Would she like to consider amending it? 

Wow! I might have been inclined to amend it by cancelling the cheque. 

I can just about understand "wedding lists" (something that never used to exist long ago) since they avoid the problem of receiving six of the same unwanted item. But criticising the monetary value of a gift is something else again. Even so, I have always considered wedding lists just a little presumptuous. If a young couple want a set of completely matching crockery, pans, bedding or whatever, then perhaps they should save up and go and buy it themselves! 

Don't get me wrong. I love to give presents but I do object to being told exactly which make and model of an item is required! Besides, where's the element of surprise in all this? 

A little appreciation, please!