Looking back at self-help groups. Stuff about the depiction of and writing about war.

When our children were very small, starting from new babyhood, a group of friends and I formed what I suppose now would be described as a self-help group. It was a kind of off-shoot from the National Childbirth Trust classes most of us attended before giving birth. We met once a week, rotating whose house we met in and who was going to bake a cake to share. The make-up of the group changed as children started school or mothers went back to work, and new members joined. We didn’t exclusively talk about babies. We didn’t moan about how hard new motherhood was. We talked about anything and everything. I still occasionally meet some of the women out and about but mostly we have all gone our separate ways. We’re almost certainly all grandmothers now. 

One of those women lives a short distance up the road from here. She was never a close friend. We greet each other when we see each other but that’s all. She remembers me by name. I hate to confess I have no idea what her name is. Back in the days of our mother and baby group a friend of mine always referred to her, rather cruelly, as “Hot Lips” because of the red lipstick she usually wore. I’m afraid that’s the only name I have for her. 

She was “Hot Lips” after Major Hot Lips Houlihan from the series M.A.S.H., the head nurse in the army hospital unit in the Korean War. Hot lips Houlihan wore red lipstick, was a strict disciplinarian and the butt of a lot of jokes from the male characters. Yesterday the actress who played Hot Lips Houlihan died, aged 87 - Loretta Swit. As the series developed she became involved in the writing and made Hot Lips into a more rounded character, strong and brave, referred to more regularly by her given name, Margaret, rather than the derogatory nickname. Interviewed in 2022 Loretta Swit said, “I am a feminist, from the top of my head to the bottom of my toenail, and I favour playing strong women.” 

Nicknames stick though and Major Margaret Houlihan will always be Hot Lips, as I suspect is the case for our near neighbour. I feel quite ashamed. 

M.A.S.H. took a sideways look at war, with some serious content in there too. We need series, journalists, commentators, not necessarily funny but taking an alternative look at events. Here’s a post by Spike Cohen (another nickname or chosen commentator name, this time of Jeremy "Spike" Cohen, an American libertarian political activist, entrepreneur, and podcaster):

“Gentle reminder that ISIS was created by the US govt to fight the Shiite militants, who were armed by the US govt to fight Saddam, who was armed by the US govt to fight Iran, who hates us because the US govt overthrew their elected leader and installed a cruel dictator.”

There’s a certain circularity there. As in so many of the current conflicts. 

Thinking about wars, here’s a link to an article by a journalist who spent some years in Jerusalem as the Guardian’s correspondent. She was afraid she might come to accept the situation out there as ‘normal’ but never did. We need to keep remembering that it’s not normal.

Life goes on. Stay safe and well, everyone!