Wednesday 14 September 2016

Spiders, parties, social media and the aftermath of storms.

Spiders are in the news again.  Warnings are out that they will be heading into indoor places seeking mates. So we should be prepared to see more or them around, especially the large lady spiders! We can expect to look up from reading in bed, to see a huge, long-leggedy creature crawling across the ceiling once more!    

There seems to be some truth in the matter. We have seen almost no spiders for ages but last night as we were about to settle down to watch another episode of American mafia violence, aka The Sopranos, Phil suddenly leapt up. What was the cause of this abrupt action? Spider on the floor! LARGE spider on the floor!   

We use a tried and tested method to remove spiders, especially the large lady spiders: trap the beastie under a glass, slide a card under the glass, pick the whole thing up and walk as far from the house as possible before throwing the spider out. The theory is that if released at some distance from the house, the spider just might be less likely to find her way back in.   
So, I was commissioned to keep an eye on the spider while Phil went for a glass. Just as he lowered the glass over the spider, it scuttled across the carpet. It took two more tries to get the glass over the spider, clearly one with Olympic speed record ambitions! By that time I was falling about laughing at the sight of a grown man doing battle with a creature the size of his thumb nail ... and almost losing! Eventually, though, she was caught and duly ejected! 

What makes them think they will find a mate in our houses? Goodness knows! Maybe there is a spider version of social media that sends out messages for all the arachnids to come and party in one place. A sort of spider date night!   

While we were spider hunting, we could hear a vacuum cleaner whirring away in the house next door. The parents of the house have been away on holiday, visiting relatives on the USA. Perhaps, Phil speculated, they were about to return and the offspring were cleaning up. Now, I knew the parents were not due back until the end of the month. So why the sudden urge to clean, when there has been little evidence of such activity since the parents went away? This morning I received the answer from another neighbour, who has been walking the next-door dog every day. (Why the offspring, aged 19+, are unable to do this is another small mystery. If they are old enough to be left in charge of the house, surely they could also walk the dog? However, that really has nothing to do with me!) the offspring are about to go and join the parents on holiday in the USA. They will all fly back together in a couple of weeks. So presumably the offspring did in fact feel the need to be tidy for the parental return.   

The last time the parents went away and left their daughter behind, she organised a party. All well and good, but she made the mistake of commenting on social media about it and the house was invaded by gatecrashers. There were not so many as in the horror stories you read about in the press but still there were enough, and they were unruly enough, to cause a mess. What provokes people to wreck places? I can understand, possibly, just about, inviting yourself to someone else's party - free drinks, food and so on. What I don't understand is the urge to pick up things and hurl them at the wall to watch them break, raiding the fridge for stuff like yoghurt that you can throw around and pour all over the floor.   

This time the young lady is older and wiser and more media-savvy and any mess is her own and her brother's!    

This morning all is quiet. No spiders. No noise of vacuuming. The mess is all outdoors. Huge, sloppy mud puddles abound. Anywhere that soil washed down from higher ground can collect is full of a thick, brown mess. There must be places with no topsoil left to be washed away in future storms. Grids are blocked with leaves and debris. In Uppermill, the Memorial Gardens are flooded at their lower level. The stepping stones are partially covered.   

In spite of this, the day is fine and warm again. Nobody would really think there had been a storm at all!

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